Were You Sexually Assaulted by a Massage Therapist?

Were You Sexually Assaulted by a Massage Therapist?

If you’re reading this, you might have had an uncomfortable experience during a massage and think you may have been sexually assaulted by a massage therapist or bodyworker. Maybe you rarely get massages, or maybe you get frequent massages, but either way, you’re unsure if you experienced an inappropriate massage.

 

You might have felt something was wrong during the massage or sometime after, when you had more time to think about the situation. You might be confused about why you froze or why you left a tip. It’s understandable that you might also feel overwhelmed, powerless, or afraid.

 

If you’re looking for answers or a path forward, this post will hopefully help.

 

 

We’ll go over:

1. Behaviors a massage therapist should never do
2. Common reactions to inappropriate touching
3. Common reactions after leaving an inappropriate massage
4. Reporting your sexual assault, if you choose
5. Resources if you were sexually assaulted by a massage therapist

 

 

A quick note about me: my name is Dr. Ben Benjamin, and I have been an expert witness in over 60 civil cases of sexual assault in massage. In those kinds of civil cases, the plaintiff (the person who files the lawsuit) is typically pursuing compensation from the place of business where the sexual assault happened. This is different from a criminal case, where the government seeks to punish individuals who have potentially committed crimes. I have seen all kinds of cases and am very familiar with the behavior of predatory therapists.

 

 

 

The most important thing to remember is that it’s not your fault.

 

You expected your massage therapist to be professional, and while the overwhelming majority are professional people of integrity, there are still a small number of predatory individuals that enter the field and actively look for ways to commit sexual crimes. The fault lies with them.

 

The majority of sexual assaults in massage happen to women by male therapists, but male therapists also assault men. And female therapists are sometimes predatory, as well, though reports are rare.

 

 

1. Behaviors a Massage Therapist Should Never Do

To start, these predators typically ask invasive questions or try a few sneaky, subtle touches to test you. It’s very common to brush these touches off as “just an accident.” Of course, these violations are rarely an accident – professional and ethical massage therapists will never come close to touching the private area of your body.

 

As an assault continues or progresses, the predator will move on to more overt actions that cannot be brushed off as mere accidents. Here are a few examples.

 

A massage therapist should never:

• Ask or pressure you to remove your underwear so that you are naked

• Make comments, either positive or negative, about your body

• Ask an invasive question about your love life

• Pull your underwear down below the base of your lower spine

•  Brush over the side of your breasts, when lying face down

 

• Suggest it would be good for you to have your breasts massaged (might be referred to as a “chest massage”)
  • This is legal in a few states, but you will have talked over the therapeutic benefits with your therapist beforehand and likely signed a consent form – it should never come out of nowhere

• Press their pelvis against your head or any part of your body

• Look under the drape/sheet as you turn over

• Stretch you in a way that exposes your genital region or female breasts

• Start massaging your abdomen without explicit permission obtained before the massage

 

• Massage your buttocks without permission

• Work high on your inner upper thigh and graze your genitals or pubic hair

 

• Lightly run their fingers on your body, like a sensual touch

• Undrape and expose your genital region, entire buttocks, or your breasts

• Touch your breasts or your nipples

• Kiss you anywhere on your body

None of these things are normal behavior during a massage. They should never occur. All of them are considered sexual misconduct. If something isn’t listed here, it doesn’t mean it’s not inappropriate. If a behavior made you feel uneasy, but you aren’t sure if it was inappropriate, feel free to contact me.

 

 

2. Common Reactions to Inappropriate Touching

If you were inappropriately touched during your massage, you probably went into a state of shock and couldn’t move or speak. This is a natural biological reaction.

 

There are several reactions to threats or highly stressful situations. The most well-known ones are fight, flight, or freeze.

 

As you’re on the massage table, with little to no clothing, and your massage therapist starts to make you feel uneasy with what they’re doing, the most common way you will react is to freeze.

 

Again, this is incredibly common.

 

If you didn’t “fight back” or if you stayed until the end of your appointment, it doesn’t mean you weren’t scared or that you consented. Your body just reacted in the only way it knew how to, in the moment.

 

And after your scheduled time is over, you most likely just wanted to quickly leave the situation, so you might have still paid for your appointment and left a tip. This is common behavior after being sexually assaulted by a massage therapist.

 

 

3. Common Reactions after Leaving an Inappropriate Massage

 

Because most people have a difficult time accepting their reactions as normal, it is common for them to feel embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed, guilty, and angry. You may feel guilty or ashamed that you didn’t speak up or stop the assault when it was happening. You may feel embarrassed or angry that you ended up leaving a tip.

 

You might not say anything about your experience to anyone for a while or ever. Around 70-80% of all sexual assaults are never reported.

 

Sometimes, people choose not to report their assault because they don’t want to “ruin” the therapist’s life or get them fired. Others do choose to report because they  don’t want the predatory therapist to assault someone else. Unfortunately, it is likely that predatory therapists who go unchecked will have other victims. It’s common for many others to come forward after hearing about it on the news.

 

 

4. Reporting Your Sexual Assault, if You Choose

 

It is ultimately your choice to report your assault. The truth is it can be daunting, and you will have to repeat your story many times. The organization RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) has a thorough writeup on what to expect if you report your assault to police.

 

If you have made the decision to report, you can directly tell the spa or the therapist’s employer, go to the police, and/or lodge a complaint with your local Board of Massage or the appropriate regulatory body of the state. It’s generally recommended to do all three, if you are able.

 

You can press charges against someone who has sexually assaulted you at any time. There is no time limit in most states. The sooner you contact the police and press charges, the more likely it is that the case will move forward.

 

And if you can’t bring yourself to report right away, you’re not alone. The trauma of being sexually assaulted can be so severe and debilitating that it is often difficult to find the energy and wherewithal to come forward when you’re trying to recover from the effects of a sexual assault. It is common for charges to be brought against the perpetrator several weeks, months, or even years after the event.

 

 

5. Resources if You Were Sexually Assaulted by a Massage Therapist

RAINN is one resource if you’d like someone to talk to, either by phone, online chat, or text: https://rainn.org/help-and-healing/hotline/ or 1-800-656-4673 – this hotline is free, confidential, and open 24 hours/day.

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3244 (TTY) for support or referrals to other services – it is free, confidential, and open 24 hours/day.

 

You can contact me if you like, to talk about what happened and discuss what you want to do. You can either reach me at drben [at] benbenjamin.com or set up a call.

 

For help with legal information, contact the Email Hotline at WomensLaw.org.

 

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If you were sexually assaulted by a massage therapist and would like to talk about what happened and discuss what you want to do, contact Dr. Ben Benjamin at drben [at] benbenjamin.com or give him a call at 617-576-0555. He is familiar with predatory behaviors in the massage therapy profession and has been an expert witness in more than 50+ cases regarding sexual assault in massage.

Schedule a Call→ 

 

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Ben E. Benjamin holds a Ph.D. in Sports Medicine and has been an expert witness in cases of sexual assault in massage since 2004, advising lawyers, testifying in depositions and trials, and writing reports. His expertise extends beyond massage therapy and ethical behavior. He also advises spas, both large and small, on the creation of comprehensive sexual assault prevention strategies that ensure safe and ethical practices in the industry. Dr. Benjamin has been in private practice for over 50 years and teaches therapists throughout the country.

 

 

Were You Sexually Assaulted by a Massage Therapist? FAQs

 

Can a massage therapist massage the groin area?

An ethical and professional massage therapist may discuss the therapeutic benefits of massaging an injury you have asked about at the top of your thigh, where it meets your groin, but this discussion will be before you are on the table. You would also sign a consent form beforehand, if you consent to the treatment.

A predatory massage therapist will massage this area without your consent and will work their way to the genitals, rather than any soft-tissue injuries you might have in your thigh.

 

What if my massage therapist touched me inappropriately?

If your massage therapist touched you inappropriately, you can let their employer know, as well as report them to your local Board of Massage and the police.

Remember that this is a traumatic event, and it may take you a long time to recover. If you’re able to, seek therapy to address any emotions that well up because of the incident.

 

Are undraped massages legal?

In some states (CA, KS, MN, VT, WY), there are either no massage licensing laws or laws requiring a massage therapist to drape a client, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok. To maintain appropriate boundaries, safety, and professional standards, all professional massage therapists will drape you to cover the private areas of your body.

 

Can a massage therapist touch your breasts?

Breast massage is legal in just a few states, but you will have talked over the reason and therapeutic benefits with your therapist beforehand and signed a consent form – it should never come out of nowhere. Therapists must have gone through a special training program to perform breast massage.

 

How long after being sexually assaulted can you press charges?

You can press charges against someone who has sexually assaulted you at any time. There is no time limit in most states. The sooner you contact the police and press charges, the more likely it is that the case will move forward.